He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not
by WellDoneBeca
Summary: Becca is an angel of the Lord who always thought her love for Castiel, her brother, was wrong and unrequired. At least until when he revealed his feelings, for her.
1. He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

Becca was an angel of the Lord living on Earth for thousands of years, guarding humans who deserved it from time to time, but hiding for the most part of it. She hadn't be in heaven in thousands of years, afraid of them to know the truth about her feelings towards her own brother.

Against every odd, against every implied rule, Becca was in love with Castiel, her angelic brother, ever since she was decades old, learning her duties with him in heaven. For centuries she hid her feelings from him under his nose, but a time came when she couldn't look at him and not desire him anymore, so she ran away.

Thousands of years later, the angel was hiding among humans when she lost her grace and encountered him again. Now, Becca was in the bunker, living with the Winchesters and Castiel, saving the world from monsters and demons and deceiving her feelings once again.

"Becca?" She heard Dean's voice.

Silently, she appeared in the room with a flap of wings, surprising the Winchester.

You could have just walked here" He stated. "You angels…"

The redhaired angel ignored his complains.

"Is my assistance needed?"

"Sam nodded quickly, showing her a book.

"Do you know anything about this symbol?"  
When she leaned down, Sam's hand touched her wrist softly, and the female angel felt Cass' eyes lading where their skins touched each other's.

"It looks Hindu." She decided after a long look, and used her grace to bring a pair of books she knew could help to the table. "Here. Those books may have an answer."

She sat by his side, grabbing one of them and opening it.

Castiel watched as Becca read beside the younger Winchester. Sam was always showing affection towards her, and the male angel didn't feel good about. There was something about him touching his sister that made him bothered and angry, but he didn't want to think about the reason.

"Am I the only one seeing it?" Dean called his attention.

"It?"

"Dean rolled his eyes.

"My brother and your sister." He pointed. "They are a match."

Castiel frowned.

"No, they're not." He spat back, standing up and leaving the three alone in the map room.

A small amount of angels had relationships with other angels. Once, that was a taboo, but centuries after she left heaven it had slowly become normal. But it didn't change the fact that he was ashamed of his feelings for her; not because they were wrong, but because he thought his sister would never see him like more than just another brother.

See her with Sam… It was painful. It made him want to take Becca in his arms and fly away so they could be alone together.

"Castiel?" He heard for a moment inside his head. "Is there any problem? You looked disturbed."

"No, sister." He lied. "I'm just intrigued by the hunt."

"She stood in silence for a long moment before answering.

"Do you trust me, brother?"

Castiel was surprised by the question.

"With my life." He didn't hesitate.

Becca's next words and the sad tone in her voice echoed painfully inside him.

"Then why do lie to me?"

To that, he had no answer.


	2. Blue Wings

**Summary:** Becca has a problem with her wings. Castiel offers help.

* * *

Becca moved her shoulders slightly, feeling how her wings missed being completely stretched out. She had just gotten them back, just like the other angels who were restoring their glory, and knew they needed to be groomed, something she hasn't done in ages.

"You're in pain," Castiel noticed, his voice worried inside her head.

"My wings," She explained, "I think I'm flying wrong."

"I don't think there's a way of flying wrong," He pointed out.

"I didn't fly for thousands of years," She reminded him. "I've lost practice."

Silently, Cass appeared by her side.

"Is there anything I can do?"

The redhaired angel blushed slightly, but nodded.

"I need a mirror," She decided. "I need to see what's happening."

He left for a moment, appearing with a hand mirror and and a bigger version he could hold.

"Can you…" She hesitated, a bit of blush appeared on her cheeks. "Can you close your eyes?"

Castiel frowned, but complied.

No one had laid eyes on her wings in thousands of years, and the fact that she was still restoring her grace just made the angel feel weirder and more insecure about them.

Closing her own baby blue eyes, Becca carefully stretched her left wing, and then the other one, hissing at the ache in the bones and muscles. She used her mirror to look at her feathers, seeing how they were messy with knots, things their blue colour only highlighted.

"Can I open my eyes now?" Castiel inquired, and she looked at him for a moment.

Behind her, the other angel had his eyes firmly shut.

"Yes."

He opened his eyes silently, and his gaze connected with hers.

"Becca…"

"I know. They look terrible."

"They are beautiful," He corrected her. "Your wings have always been the most beautiful pair our Father has ever made."

Reaching out, he touched the inside of her left wing before he could stop himself, and she moaned at his warm touch.

Castiel jumped back when he felt the softness of her blue feathers. Only an angel's mate was supposed to touch their wings.

"I need to go." He dropped the mirror, leaving before his sister could say anything.

What had she done?


	3. The Pizzaman

**Summary:** Becca hears Castiel thinking about a pizzaman and a babysitter, so she asks the Winchester what it means.

* * *

"Sam?" Becca called, making the Winchester raise his head.

"Yes?" He smiled sweetly.

"What is a pizzaman?"

He frowned at her question.

"It is a man who delivers pizza."

She nodded slowly and the human man went back to his book, concentrating on it and wearing a small frown on his face.

The female angel opened her mouth for a moment, but noticed how he needed silent, so decided to look for Dean and found him in the kitchen, eating a slice of pie.

"Dean?"

"Yes, sweetheart?" He looked up at her. God, her eyes were beautiful.

"What is a babysitter?"

The look in his face turned similar to Sam's when he stared at her.

"It's someone who takes care of kids." He explained.

Becca frowned to herself. She couldn't understand what the _babysitter_ had to do with the _pizzaman_.

"Young humans are very fragile." She noticed, sitting beside him.

"Yes, we are." He nodded, eating. "Haven't you live among humans for centuries?"

"Well, yes." She rested her small hands on her lap. "But I was alone."

"The whole time?" He frowned, surprised.

"Yes."

Dean didn't say anything, moving back to his pie before looking at her again.

"Why do you ask? About the babysitter, I mean."

She shrugged.

"I heard Cas thinking of it. Something to do with a pizzaman and a babysitter."

Dean's eyes widened and he coughed, the pie literally leaving his mouth.

"What?" He exclaimed.

"The pizzaman and the babysitter." She explained, oblivious. "I just don't know why he wanted to be the pizzaman and…"

"Sweetheart." He cleaned his throat. "Do you… Shit." He took a deep breath. "Do you know anything about sex?"

Becca frowned. Was he taking her as a fool? She wanted to know about the pizzaman and the babysitter, not about human reproduction.

"What does it have to do with the pizzaman and the babysitter?"

Dean sighed.

"Well, the pizzaman is a man, and the babysitter is woman. And they had sex."

"So you have to be a pizzaman or a babysitter to have sex?" She frowned at the new information. "Is that how you humans reproduce?"

The man rubbed his hand on his face.

 _'Of course, just one confused angel wasn't enough. He had to go through the process of teaching sex to a thousand-year-old kid again.'_

"No. Anyone can have sex with anyone as long as both the parts agree with the act."

Becca nodded.

"So when Castiel was thinking of the pizzaman and the babysitter…"

"He was thinking of sex, yes." He confirmed.

She nodded slowly again, trying to put the pieces together.

So that meant…

No, of course not.

"Thank you, Dean." She stood up, making her hair flip on her shoulders.

Cas was thinking of how he wanted to be the pizzaman, and wanted _her_ to be the babysitter. Did that mean he wanted to have sex with her?


	4. The Babysitter

**Summary:** Becca thinks about how she's going to confront Castiel. They share their first kiss.

* * *

Becca never really understood humans, even after leaving on Earth for so long or with two of them for months.

Dean was one to have one-night-stands with pretty girls, and Sam was a bit less like that, but both of them would go out to bars. Even not trying, she would hear their lustful thoughts about other women, but none of them ever manifested any desire to _reproduce_.

So, why intercourse?

Castiel thinking about intercourse with _her_ only made Becca more confused.

Why would he want to do that with her?

"Becca. Becca?" She heard and looked up, her blue eyes meeting Sam's figure above her.

"Yes?"

"Are you okay?" He frowned.

She didn't know how to answer. Cas was her brother, someone she should never lust after. And, yet, he was apparently lusting after her?

What was she supposed to do now? How was she supposed to feel?

"Sam…" She took a breath.

But she didn't know what to say.

"Yes?' He looked at the angel.

Becca stood in silence for a long moment, frowning at her own feelings.

"I… No." She decided.

"No?" He frowned.

"I'm not okay." She decided, standing up.

She needed to see Castiel.

Before Sam couldn't say anything else, the woman was already outside the bunker, pacing around nervously.

"Castiel." She called, out loud. "Castiel."

She waited, her hands rubbing against each other and her mind rushing without control, her blue wings moving uncontrolably.

"Becca?" He appeared in front of her.

The woman stared at him, not even knowing what to say.

"Cas…" She stared at him.

He frowned, not understanding the rush of thoughts she were shooting at him without control.

"What is happening?" He insisted. "Why are you…"

"You want me to be the babysitter." She pointed.

Cass' eyes widened and his jaw dropped slightly for a moment.

"Sam told me a pizzaman is a man who delivers pizza." She affirmed. "And Dean said a babysitter is someone who takes care of human children. He also said that pizzamen have sex with babysitters." She continued. "Humans have sex for the sake of having sex, because they feel pleasure and not always want to reproduce, because human children are very fragile."

He frowned at his sister, trying to understand what she meant.

"You were thinking that you wanted to be the pizzaman and wanted me to be the babysitter." She looked at him in the eye, blue meeting blue. "Is this correct? You want me to be the babysitter?"

Castiel stared at her, silently and alarmed.

"I'm so sorry." He finally said. "I'm… I'm sorry, I shouldn't… I should never…" He got lost in his words. "I won't ever…"

But before he could even finish a sentence, Becca laced his shoulders with her long arms and kissed his lips for a full moment. She then hesitated and moved away when he didn't respond, but Cass quickly held her waist with his firm hands and guided her to a slow, passionate kiss.

The red-haired angel melted under his hands, finally living something she have dreamed of for thousands of years.

She was kissing Castiel. The one she loved for almost her whole life.

Her brother.

The woman pulled away when the last thought passed her mind.

"Becca." Castiel started when his bright eyes fell into hers, but she didn't give him time to speak.

She was already gone.


	5. Heaven

**Summary** : After 5 thousand years, Becca finally visits heaven.

Becca took a deep breath when her feet touched the ground.

Heaven

She hadn't been there in ages. Five thousand years to be more exact.

"Becca?" She heard. "Becca, you're here!"

The angel turned around, surprised to head Izabelle's voice.

"Where have you been?" Her sister questioned. "It's so been so long."

Becca stared at her, frowning when their hands met.

"You're different." She pointed, and then looked around. "Everything is different."

The older angel smiled.

Izabelle had seen Becca being made and learning her duties, and someone she could to trust and used to have constant contact with. Of course, that was before she left.

"Becca… Things had changed." She looked at her young sister sweetly. "Heaven isn't the same."

Becca stared at her face.

She was visually different, but the young angel couldn't put her finger on what had changed.

"I'm mated." She stated, seeing how Becca stared at her figure.

"Mated?"

Izabelle nodded.

Becca couldn't understand.

Her wings were larger, and slightly darker. The colour now reminded her sister of someone else's wings, like they were forged together and then separated.

"With Israel." Izabelle explained.

Yes. She could see Israel's wings on hers.

Becca stared at her.

"How… Why?" She muttered. "I thought…"

She were lost, not having any idea of what to say or how to react.

"He's your brother. Our brother."

Izabelle frowned, still smiling.

"And now he's my mate." She pointed. "You were gone for long. Five thousand years."

Becca didn't have any words left.

"There's nothing wrong." She affirmed.

Becca sat down on the ground, and Izabelle reached out for a moment.

"I kissed Castiel." She looked up at her. "And don't know what to do now."

Izabelle stared down at her younger and confused sister, her elegant features softening when she realized Becca was still attached to the rules she thought existed thousands of years ago.

"There's nothing wrong with love, sister." She affirmed. "You shouldn't be ashamed."

Becca hesitated.

"Where's Father?" She asked,

Some people considered her a special angel. Father usually didn't have time to all of his sons and daughters, but he always tried to make time for her.

And after all that mess…

"Not here." Izabelle took a breath.

Becca had no one to turn to now.

"I need to leave." She decided, standing up.

"Becca." She held her by her arm. "Please, come back. We miss you, we _all_ do."

"I need time." Becca stated. "I'm happy for your mate."

With a flap of wings, she landed on the room she called hers in the bunker, sitting down on the floor.

Everything she believed, everything she was holding on to… She was wrong, so deadly wrong.

"Becca." She heard Castiel's voice outside the door.

"Leave." She said before he could say anything.

"But…"

"Leave." Becca repeated. "I want to be alone."


	6. Gone

**Summary** : Castiel worries if Becca is ever coming back.

* * *

Castiel walked around the bunker map room.

Becca was gone for two weeks now, and no one knew anything about her location. He was anxious and worried. The last time she had done that, she spent _thousands_ of years away.

"Dude, what happened?" Dean uncrossed his arms. "She can't just leave without a reason."

Castiel blushed, thinking about the kiss they had shared. She had come back to the bunker for a moment but left when he insisted on talking about what had happened.

"Nothing happened." He lied.

The brothers frowned, quickly noticing how he wasn't telling the truth.

"Cass." Dean insisted.

The angel stared at him, and the hunter took a breath.

"Give us a moment, Sammy." He looked at his brother.

Sam didn't understand, but left the same way, knowing Dean would talk to him about what happened _later_.

"Look, I know the whole older brother…"

"We kissed." He interrupted the Winchester.

Dean's eyes widened.

"I'm sorry, what?" He exclaimed.

"We kissed." The angel reaffirmed. "She started talking about the pizzaman and the babysitter, and all I could think was how I wanted her to be _my_ babysitter, and then our lips were together. I don't know how that happened, or…"

He continued talking, and less and less sense was leaving his lips.

"Wait a minute." Dean raised his hand. "You two kissed."

"Yes." He confirmed.

"I'm sorry, you and _your sister_ kissed." He pointed.

"Angels aren't like humans, Dean." Castiel corrected him. "We can have relationships. There are mates in heaven, but the point it: She left."

Dean uncrossed his arms.

"So you think Becca left because of the kiss." He stated, slowly.

"Yes."

Dean took a deep breath, trying not to freak over what the angel had told him.

"Did you try the angel radio?"

"I did. She's nowhere to be found."

They stood in silence, and the hunter sighed.

"Do you…" He cleaned his throat, trying not to sound weird. "Do you love her?"

"I believe I love her." He corrected him. "I realised that when I was human."

Dean's face fell in comprehension.

"Is there anything we can do?"

Castiel shook his head.

The man walked away, leaving the angel alone to his own thoughts.

When night came, Castiel walked to Becca's room, stopping by the door, and sighing before walking to his own room.

But when he opened the door, his blue eyes widened in surprise.

She was sat on his bed.


	7. Found (NSFW)

**Summary** : Becca and Castiel finally give in to their feelings.

Castiel took a breath, closing the door behind him.

"Becca, I'm…"

But before he could say anything, she kissed him.

This time, Castiel held her ever tighter, holding her small sides strongly, trying to keep her body as close as possible while his lips devoured hers.

Out of his own control, his hands travelled her smooth pale skin, his fingertips meeting her navel, and he sighed with the feeling of her skin.

"Cas." She gasped against his lips.

Becca was panting when he pulled away.

"You were gone for weeks." He whispered, his eyes above her. Her vessel was shorter than his, and his own celestial form was bigger than hers, which always made her feel small and protected by his side.

"I'm sorry."

"I was afraid I would never see you again." He insisted.

"I was scared." Becca stated, aware of how his fingers were still caressing her skin.

"You don't have to be." He said back, frowning deeply. "I thought you despised me."

"I love you." Becca corrected him.

Castiel's face brightened in surprise and a smile appeared on his lips.

"I always did." She continued "When I lost my wings, when I lost my _grace…_ You were the only one I could think about, the only one I looked for.

He touched her beautiful face, rubbing his thumb up and down her left cheek.

"I craved you. I needed you, I still do." She breathed out.

Cas breath was everything she could hear while her own thoughts ran insanely.

"I visited heaven, and everything is different. Izabelle is mated now, the angels are… Finding love in each other."

He waited as she shook her head, her red hair moving over her shoulders, trying to make sense.

"I always thought it was wrong." Becca stated. "I didn't think I could want you. _That's why I left_."

"You should have told me."

The woman pressed her face against his touch, closing her clear blue eyes.

"I love you too." He whispered. "I always did."

She approached him again and shared a slow, passionate kiss.

A shiver ran up her spine when Becca felt her hand sliding on her hair, pulling her closer with a strong grip, and something hard and warm poked her lower stomach.

Cas pulled her up, helping her as she wrapped her short legs around his waist. A weird, warm feeling was happening between her legs, and she needed something between them.

Unaware of her oblivious state, Cas trusted his hips forward against hers, and she broke the kiss when a moan left her mouth, at the same time she landed on the mattress.

"Castiel." Her head fell back before she could control herself.

She needed more of that.

"I'm sorry." Becca exclaimed when she realised what he had done, covering her blushing face with her hands in embarrassment.

"Don't be." He groaned, moving her small hands away and making her look at his face.

His blue eyes were black with a feeling she couldn't explain.

"What is this?" She inquired, her voice thick.

"It is human." He explained, his right hand slowly entering her shirt and climbing the way up as he kissed her neck. "They call it arousal."

Becca gasped when he reached the centre of her chest.

"How..." She felt a small spasm when his large hand covered her small breast. "How is this supposed to feel?"

"Your nipples." He touched her bud, using his thumb to circle it with a look she had never seen in his eyes. "They get hard."

Becca gasped under his thumb, not understanding what was happening to her body.

"Your whole body is awake." He used his other hand to lift her shirt and expose her chest to thin air, opening her bra and letting her skin feel the air. "You crave something you can't explain."

He leant down, taking her left nipple between his lips, and Becca arched her back. The feeling was unbelievable, and she could feel it all over her whole body like electricity was running inside her.

"Castiel." She ran her hand up his neck, holding his dark thick hair between her fingers. "More."

She could fell Cas smile against her skin.

"How does that feel?" He muttered.

"My skin is on fire." She tried to describe it. "your lips… Castiel!" She exclaimed again when his teeth touch her sensitive and hard nipple.

"Don't stop." He instructed, his blue eyes looking straight into hers. "Please, Y/N. Tell me."

"I need…" Becca gasped. "I need it."

"What do you need?" He inquired.

She shook her head.

"I don't know."

He looked up at her, then climbed his lips back to hers. Cas kissed Becca gently, positioning himself between her legs and thrusting his hips against her core.

"Is it what you need?" He muttered against her lips.

She moaned at the friction.

"Yes." Becca moaned, thrusting her hips up and forward in order to feel it again. "Castiel, please."

He rubbed his nose up and down Becca's neck.

"Move your hips against mine." He instructed.

She tried, slowly, and gasped at the soft pleasure running her nerves.

"Yes." Becca gasped. "That's… Castiel, please."

The denim of her jeans made your skin itch, and he quickly noticed that, pulling her pants off and caressing her legs softly.

"Cas." The redheaded angel whispered. "Cas, please… I need this."

before of her eyes, Castiel's grace was running insane and hers probably wasn't different. She could feel his whole skin under her own grace and gasped when his power touched the centre of her legs.

"What about this? Is this what you need?" He questioned again, and she felt the rub up and down her wet folds.

She was wet and throbbing for him, craving for something she couldn't quite understand, just like he pointed.

"These bodies…" He muttered in her ear. "The humans… Father gave them something I never experienced before."

Becca moaned when he pressed her clitoris, grabbing the sheets when she felt his grace flicking it.

"It's a deep feeling." He continued, his voice thick and even deeper. "Something that dominates your whole body, fills you up with arousal, the sweetest torture."

Becca closed her eyes shut, the feeling inside her going stronger and stronger.

"A need." Castiel leant down to take one of her nipples in his mouth again, licking and flicking it. "A peak."

"Cas." She couldn't control her moans, and her hips rose on the air, looking for more friction.

"Open your eyes." He ordered, authority pouring from his tone. "Look at me."

Becca tried to obey, her gaze meeting his.

"I want to see you come undone." He declared, his grace now caressing her nipples as well. "I want you to look at me when you do it, so you will always remember who gave you your first orgasm."

She moaned loudly, her whole body trembling and moving out of her control with spasms, the throbbing sensation between her legs spreading and dominating her whole body.

"Castiel." Becca moaned.

"Say my name. Becca. Let everyone know who's giving it to you."

The feeling – the orgasm – was long and short at the same time, and she kept calling Castiel even after she came down, his grace still working softly on her before moving again.

The younger angel couldn't describe how she felt, how her whole body felt, as she rested on the bed with her eyes closed. If angels could sleep, she would already be unconscious.

Castiel touched her face with his gentle hands, putting her red hair behind her ear and smiling at the expression on her face.

"How do you feel?" He asked in a whisper.

Becca breathed slowly.

"I can't describe." She just whispered.

He smiled, and she opened her eyes to see him above her figure.

"Can I kiss you?"

Becca nodded quickly and he leant down to kiss her gently.

"I love you." He whispered.

"I love you too." Her said back.

Cas touched her face slowly.

"I understand why humans do this all the time." She whispered, surprised.

Cas chuckled, kissing her neck.

"I have more to show if you want to." He muttered.

"I do." She rushed. "Please, I do."

Castiel laughed softly.

"Don't worry." He said again. "We have all the time in the world."


	8. Together

**Summary** : Sam and Dean are still getting used to the relationship between Becca and Castiel. He suggests her something new.

Becca felt Sam's eye burning her skin, turning her eyes look at him and making the man lower his head.

In response, she looked at Castiel.

They were… _Together_.

That was the best word to describe their relationship.

"So…" Dean cleared his throat. "You are together now? _Mated_?"

Becca's eyes widened.

"Being someone's mate is more than being together, Dean." Cas interrupted him. "A mate is for life. Forever. It is not a decision you can make over a night."

Sam arched his eyebrows in surprise.

"Guys, can I…" He shifted a little on his seat. "Can I ask you a couple of questions?"

She nodded.

"I'm not really getting it." He affirmed. "I don't want to be rude, but… You are…"

"Angels." Castiel interrupted him. "Beings that aren't attached to human rules or concepts of what's right or wrong to your kind."

She squeezed his hand. She knew the Winchesters were still a bit shaken by their relationships, – she could read their minds–, and Cas wasn't happy with the way they were looking at both of them.

"Sorry, Cas, but it is kind of hard to digest." Dean argued. "Yesterday you were brother and sister who had a fight. Now, you're dating. Give a man a break."

Becca looked at her own hands, her fingers now laced with the other angel's fingers.

"We're not against it." Sam affirmed. "Just give us some time to actually swallow it down, okay?"

"It is okay." She affirmed. "Take your time."

They nodded together and Becca looked at the angel by her side, mentally suggesting they should get out and give them a moment.

Holding her, he transported both of them to an open area, full of trees and nature.

"Becca." He pulled her, laying a kiss on her lips for a moment. "I'm…"

"Don't say you're sorry." She interrupted him. "They need a moment. It is understandable."

Castiel sighed, and Becca caressed his face with her fingertips. He was beautiful, shinning above her figure.

"Becca." He muttered, touching her lips softly with his thumb. "Can I kiss you?"

She nodded slowly, feeling his hands travel down her body to find her waist.

He kissed her slowly, gently, and she closed her eyes in response. She wasn't experienced in kisses. Castiel was the only one she have ever kissed in her life, and he seemed determined on teaching her everything he could.

"I want to show you something." He muttered. "I learned it in a movie with the pizzaman."

Becca nodded again, hesitant, and he went back on kissing her. Soon, she was laid on the grass with him between her legs.

"I want to fuck you with my tongue." He affirmed, and her eyes grew wide. "Can I?"

"Yes." Becca whispered. "Yes, please."


End file.
